It's a million times easier to start a blog than to write one for a week. I should know, I've started this blog six or seven times. The problem is I don't know what it's about.
It was going to be thoughts on live theatre, how relationships are built and destroyed by disagreements about amateur theatre productions. How fickle and how profound the storytelling craft can be, even within a fairly small, devoted community of players. But then I stopped acting, because life is real, and marriage is time consuming, and children need raising.
We had a super strong, eleven-pound boy and we got to keep him at home for eleven days. Then he had a severe and sudden brain bleed and died three days later. This the universe I inhabit and speak from, because nothing has so profoundly changed how I see the world as this moment in my life.
That was over a year ago now and we are expecting our second baby in July. We have mixed feelings that we can't predict. Are we not finding out the gender at the ultrasound because we want to be surprised at the birth, or because we don't want to get too attached in case something goes wrong? Would we be more happy with a girl because she would remind us less of our lost boy, or would a new boy feel like we got him back in some way? Is it bad to even have a preference? How can we possibly be so sure we're ready after such a loss? I already love this little one as deeply as I've ever loved anyone. I'm scared out of my mind sometimes. Everything is going to be okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment