Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Birth Story - Home Edition

We prepared for a home birth two years ago that didn't end as we planned, but that was no one's fault and my wife was able to finish strong at a hospital with no complications. But that is another story for another time.

This story is how we came to meet Gwendolyn.

a room with no view

Our apartment is average for a three bedroom. The main issue is that we have accumulated enough possessions to fill an average house. My wife, Laura, has already bought all the clothes we'll need for any and all children we have, as well as any orphans and foundlings that turn up (up to size 2T). Having a thrift store with a great selection just down the street has proved to be a great resource and a storage nightmare. But somehow, with all the cramming, boxing, and moving everything we can into the basement, we've managed to carve out a nursery that had room for a 60 gallon birthing tub. Thanks to a two-hundred-year-old oak, the single window gets little sunlight, but it does allow a nice breeze, as on the day we needed it.

Having everything purchased and tested ahead of time gave us more options for decorating, settling on a Hundred Acre Wood theme with little "hunny pots" and branches suspended from the ceiling. Cozy and feeling prepared, we waited for labor to start naturally. And at nine days past her due date, Gwendolyn had waited long enough.

before dawn

Sleeping next to a pregnant woman is not always a reasonable option. Laura had several pregnancy related symptoms that didn't just keep her up at night, but also separated us several nights a week. Constant dry-mouth thirst combined with little room in the pelvis means mama doesn't sleep more that three hours at a time without a potty break. Heartburn, hot flashes, itchy skin - you name it, it was keeping her up at night. So when insomnia gave way to exhausted deep sleep, she relaxed so completely that snoring became my lullaby. Not "wow, it'll be hard to sleep now" snoring, but "woke me up from my own sleep and drove me out to the couch" snoring. Somewhere between a chainsaw and an outboard motor in sound and decibel level, I could still hear her through closed doors and walls between us.

This night, however, I heard sounds of discomfort. Loud enough to wake me up and odd enough to raise concern I asked, "What was that?" She said, "About ten minutes." She had been awake since a quarter to five, and having taken a walk around the block, returned after several consistent contractions. Now I'm wide awake at six in the morning, pulling out my phone to start the timer for the next one.

keeping time

The next ten hours passed with little to mention. Contractions got stronger and closer together. We alerted our midwife (and then backup midwife, more on that later) that today is the day! We didn't want anyone to get too excited until we were in active labor, so we held off on calling anyone else but our mothers. Hours passed without noticing much time. I was always getting food and water, and checking the stopwatch function on my phone religiously to track progress. Everything was going so well that when labor kicked into high gear, it was almost surprisingly on track. Our first experience with labor was start and stop, three steps forward, two steps back. Two days of waiting only to transfer to a hospital when Laura was too exhausted to continue without some rest. But not this time, not this baby. She was on her way, and with contractions now becoming painfully strong, we called the midwife.

"you're not going anywhere"

Early labor, with slow and steady progress, is quite manageable. With a little to eat, a little to drink, some Netflix, time passes. Laura was handling it like a champ. Then active labor feels like you're losing control. Each new contraction could feel like an eternity or come and go quickly. At least, that was the impression I was getting from Laura, who was now attached to me like I was her anchor in the rising tide of pain. On her knees and leaning over the rim of the tub, she wouldn't let me move anymore, gripping my arms or legs to be sure I didn't leave her side. I would sit in that folding chair for the duration. Once, I thought to make a phone call, or scoot back a little, and she grabbed me and said, "You're not going anywhere!" and I decided I'd have to call her mother later (when I did finally call Grandma Jill to tell her about her new granddaughter, she said "But... I didn't get there!" Sorry, Mom, I was going to call, but I was too busy "helping".)

The next hour was all action. We got meet our new midwife, the highly esteemed B we had heard so much about (our midwife was on a vacation that weekend, so her midwife came in her absence.) And she was wonderful. The kindest, most gentle woman we could have hoped for. She was there right in time and she really eased into the situation, checking vitals and taking notes. About then, M arrived as well, a birth assistant and doula, who was there when our son was born. Laura was reaching the end of her tolerance for the pain and strain on her body when they arrived, but we didn't have to wait much longer.


labor land is a real place

Laura went into a trance at this point. Aware of only the here and now, communication with a woman in active labor is about short and direct sentences. I was no longer of help in this area, I didn't know what to do, and couldn't see anything from my position. Laura was starting to nod off between contractions, so the next part was a bit of a blur for both of us. All of a sudden, she was startled awake by the fact that she was pushing, without her knowledge or consent. Her body had switched modes and was now ready to bring baby on out. Screaming at the sudden strength and purpose of the contraction, she was snapped out of her sleep. "I'm pushing!" Laura yelled. The midwife said, "Go right ahead, baby is almost here." M got her attention and explained what to do next. It was just what Laura needed to focus and give it all she had. Just a few more pushes and baby was in the water. Laura rolled and sat up and they handed us our slippery little angel. 

We just stared at her as she gasped and coughed, taking in her few first few breaths. It took five minutes before we even checked if she was a girl or boy. We were just stunned she was finally here.

Not once have I thought it could have been any better. 12 hours of labor, the perfect timing of our birth team. Laura and baby in perfect health. I am so thankful for all the great work and support.

no regrets

Home birth was and is the best decision for our family. If you have a low risk pregnancy, I highly recommend you consider it and talk to a Certified Nurse Midwife right away. Always go with the highest level of care you can find for you and your baby, and never settle for the second best option. Let your birth story be about what you did, not what "happened to you."

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